Are social anxiety and low self-esteem connected? It’s a question that may not seem obvious at first glance. After all, social anxiety involves fear of social situations, while low self-esteem revolves around negative self-perception.

In this blog we will explore the significant overlap between the two, and what can be done to break free from it.

In my previous blogs we have looked at low self-esteem  and social anxiety as separate entities, but essentially:

Low self esteem feeds social anxiety

So what does this actually look like?

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem manifests in various ways, including but not limited to:

*Emotional turmoil

*Lack of self-confidence

*Bouts of deep, pervasive sadness

* Eating disorders -bingeing or restricting foods

*Unable to accept compliments

*Unable to be fair to yourself

*Highlighting the negative in every situation

*Overstressed about what you imagine other people think

*Perfectionism

*Worrying excessively about upcoming and previous interactions with others

*Unwillingness to take on challenges

*Reluctance to put yourself first

*Second guessing yourself

*Having low expectations out of life for yourself

*Social withdrawal

The part of us that drives low self-esteem is the inner critic. This is the inner voice that judges others and ourselves, harshly. Over time, this barrage of self-criticism starts to feel ‘normal’ and you may not hear the extreme negativity. However, you may notice feeling different to other people without knowing why. This may show up as closed body language or avoiding eye contact. Feelings of guilt and shame pop up but pinpointing the reason is difficult.

You may find yourself projecting this inner critic onto others and assume they think about you the same way you think about yourself. Many of those who have been challenged on this subject will be totally convinced that others think badly of them, yet have no actual evidence to back this up. The inner critic is so harsh that it can convince you that you’re completely unacceptable to everybody you know. You become vigilant about making mistakes, being awkward in front of others, acting childishly or losing self-control. You may feel obliged to put on a mask of perfection to hide your vulnerabilities. Even those closest to you may not be aware how hard you are trying to keep your defences in place. Over time, these beliefs become internalised and automatic, and the vicious cycle continues.

Where do these beliefs come from? These beliefs, known as core beliefs, are shaped by past experiences. Childhood traumas, bullying, and societal pressures often contribute to distorted self-perceptions through the creation of a narrative, reinforcing the critical inner dialogue. The narrative is like the glue that holds all the beliefs together. These beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies, reinforcing the cycle of low self-esteem and social anxiety further.

Social Anxiety: Fear in the Spotlight

Social anxiety may appear as:

*Extreme worry about embarrassing yourself

*Fear of being judged

*Terror of talking with strangers

*Worrying that physical symptoms may be an embarrassment e.g. sweating, blushing, and shaking

*Avoiding situations where you might be noticed

*Anticipating anxiety of an upcoming event

* Expecting the worst possible outcome from social situations

*Going over and over a situation whilst analysing your performance and pinpointing your mistakes

Being shy or uncomfortable in a situation isn’t necessarily a sign of social anxiety. Not everyone is extrovert and outgoing, and the beauty of human nature is the variation of our individual personalities. Some of us are simply more reserved than others, or feel better in smaller gatherings than in big groups.

Real social anxiety is totally different to everyday nervousness. It's a terror of all awkward social engagements, so much so that some people can have panic attacks when in a situation where they can't control the anxiety. Sometimes the only answer is to completely avoid social engagements and this can have a devastating effect on relationships, your daily routine, work, school or other activities. This avoidance behaviour then feeds the cycle of low self-esteem as you berate yourself once again for feeling this way.

Hopefully it is now becoming clearer that social anxiety and low self-esteem often coexist, each exacerbating the other. The inner critic's relentless scrutiny amplifies social anxiety, while the fear of judgement reinforces negative self-perceptions and becomes a vicious cycle.

Image courtesy of The Counselling Collective

Breaking Free: A Journey to Self-Discovery

Addressing social anxiety and low self-esteem requires a holistic approach, challenging ingrained beliefs and fostering self-compassion. Recognising the critical inner voice and its origins is a crucial first step, paving the way for deeper introspection and healing. As these beliefs come from our subconscious, it can be difficult to change through sheer willpower alone. Our subconscious doesn’t listen to reason and can be rather stubborn.

Hypnotherapy can be such a powerful tool in addressing social anxiety and low self-esteem. During a hypnotherapy session with me, either online or in my therapy room in Manchester, I will guide you into a state of hypnosis, which is like deep relaxation or meditation. This allows your subconscious mind to be more open to suggestions and cut through the exhausting barrage of self-criticism. I then use a range of techniques to help you uncover the root of negative thoughts and reframe them to be more positive.

The aim of hypnotherapy is to ‘talk’ directly to your subconscious, change negative thinking patterns and encourage more positive responses. So rather than a critical voice of fear, your subconscious can be taught to be supportive and encouraging.

Low self-esteem is effectively a learned behaviour; it’s something we’ve learnt after years of repetitive thinking. Hypnotherapy can help you unlearn these behaviours and create new, more supportive ones so you can feel better about yourself and begin to enjoy life again free of social anxiety.

If you would like to tackle anxiety head on, do get in touch for an initial consultation and take the first step to a happier you.

Maria Baldwin is a CNHC registered hypnotherapist, offering hypnotherapy online as well as from her therapy room in Worsley, Greater Manchester.

Cover photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash